4.4.06

Frencher?


Do you want to blame as a French person does? Check this out:

I took the guy complaining about the other guy and we got into his office. The guy, playing solitaire and winning, was surprised by our visit. He made the face "what are you doing here?".

-Where is that report?
-Ah... I requested it!!!
-If you requested it, where is it?
-Ehhhh... I sent an E-mail to this guy.
-When?
-Mmmm... in July.
-And since July, and in spite of the many requests from this other guy, you didn't get it?
-Ah... I sent an E-mail.
-But you could call him, send him a reminder?
-Yes, but before that, he asked me for another report that I prepared in one day and he read it after 4 weeks! It's very easy blaming on me for the delay, but that guy delayed the whole thing for one month!
-Dude, that guy delayed the thing for 1 month, you have delayed it for almost one year!
-Well, it's not my fault... And anyways, why this urgency?

(the conversation from this point on, moves away from linearity and becomes a loop, an endless loop that is only broken when I pick up his telephone set and call the guy who sent us the report straight away).

I have seem many admirers of the French reading this blog, many wonder how they can become "Frencher" and assimilate to the French culture. Here is my contribution: If you want to become French, learn to blame. Blaming is a key skill in a country that has lost almost every single war since its very creation (well, with the exception of Asterix, who gave some trouble to Julius Caesar... but at the end he also lost). Blaming alone will not make of you a complete idiot, but will certainly help.

Courage!

20 Comments:

Anonymous Ducth Papa said...

Nice post Uranus,

The direct way to get into the French culture is being STUPID!!! well, and other little things will help: violente, lazy and LOSSSSEEERRR!!!!! hehehehehhehee

So Blaming is normal in all people, even French... but French are for sure the most stupid in all EU.

Cheers

Mr T

6:14 PM  
Blogger whatever said...

You sad bastard Uranus, why don't you just get a life??!

3:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A fair literal translation of Uranus in French should be Asshole, if I'm not mistaken ;-)

4:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sad sad sad prick.. If you don't like Paris, then why don't you fuck off home. You really are pathetic.

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHY ARE YOU HERE WHY ARE YOU HERE WHY ARE YOU HERE WHY ARE YOU HERE,
I AM HERE AND LOVE FRANCE BUT NOT THE FRENCH BUT WHY WHY WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN?

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting blog.

As a French lady living in London, I can understand where you are coming from. I used to make inappropriate comments about the English, the food, the weather, the bad manners, etc. It took me nearly 4 years to get used to English people and adapt to the culture. Now I simply love it here!

I guess the difference between you and me is that I chose to live in London. You seem to have somehow been forced to work and live in Paris. I believe this blog is a good way for you to express the frustration that you feel every day and I can only encourage you to keep writing this blog. Very therapeutic indeed!

P.S: comme tu le vois, tous les Francais ne sont pas des raleurs! Il y en a meme de tres sympas, ouvre toi a eux et a la culture francaise!

Amities.
S x

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stumbled on your post via petite anglaise...what a mistake, I'll just stumble my way back out of here - shame you don't do the same for France.

9:55 AM  
Anonymous A frog in Australia said...

Hello

As a french expatriate (in Australia), I can say that your blog make me laugh... because you tell the truth! Even if sometimes you only see one side of things... hey, come to Australia if you want to see real lazy people: but I think they are smarter, instead of striking... they prefer just staying at home, in their sofa, drinking a beer and watching the strike on TV!

1:34 AM  
Anonymous effisk said...

to the "frog in Australia":

I blame you for laughing. ;-)

to "Uranus":

At least you acknowledge the French civilization.

4:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm here to defend Uranus from all you nasty French-Wanabees who are insulting him. I mostly can't stand my life in France as well and would LOVE to leave. More than happy if I could! However, due to several reasons I CAN'T just now. So maybe you should LAY OFF him and realize that he is probably not here by choice. He probably has good reasons for having to endure all the stupidities of this country!

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone has a choice.
Yes things may be more difficult one way then another, but there is always a choice...

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

he,he,he.. This is such a hilarious post!!! describing the nice incompetence of your co-workers!
I wonder..mmm... How do you manage to survive in such an environment???

Surco v

2:20 AM  
Blogger Uranus said...

Hi all!

Sorry I didn't write for a few days, I took some days off and of course I ran away from France, as a result, I met many friendly people and had nothing to complain about, until I came back and the French banks crossed my way, which inspired my newest post.

I liked the "French-wannabes" expression, I hope the author doesn't mind I reuse it.

I see that some people are obsessed with my stay in Paris and they cry "go home". I am in fact working towards that objective and I have set myself the target of December 31st to get out of here. Now, having said this, that is not going to be the end of this blog. I am not a "collaborator" and I will fight against French culture and French conservatism from wherever I am.

I am not scared of Le Pen, I am not scared of the bad manners of the sons and daughters of the collaborators and of any graduate of a grande ecole. I don't fear the French police and their masters the aristocrats, I don't fear the ghost of Napoleon neither the Paris olympic committee.

The French culture is the greatest enemy of Europe, defeating the French culture is a duty for those who believe in a strong, united and progressive Europe.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Uranus said...

Hi all!

Sorry I didn't write for a few days, I took some days off and of course I ran away from France, as a result, I met many friendly people and had nothing to complain about, until I came back and the French banks crossed my way, which inspired my newest post.

I liked the "French-wannabes" expression, I hope the author doesn't mind I reuse it.

I see that some people are obsessed with my stay in Paris and they cry "go home". I am in fact working towards that objective and I have set myself the target of December 31st to get out of here. Now, having said this, that is not going to be the end of this blog. I am not a "collaborator" and I will fight against French culture and French conservatism from wherever I am.

I am not scared of Le Pen, I am not scared of the bad manners of the sons and daughters of the collaborators and of any graduate of a grande ecole. I don't fear the French police and their masters the aristocrats, I don't fear the ghost of Napoleon neither the Paris olympic committee.

The French culture is the greatest enemy of Europe, defeating the French culture is a duty for those who believe in a strong, united and progressive Europe.

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Dutch Papa said...

It is really interesting to read how some French do agree in what Uranus have said in this blog...I mean, if you can see those people are people that have had the experience to leave France cuz of work or any other reason. Cuz French are sooo lazzzzyy to travel and discover another countries... I think they are only interested to come to Amsterdam to get into a CoffeShop and smoke all kind of drugs you can buy in this places.But they do not even want to meet local and nice dutch people, not even to see the city, they are just so fucking concern about drugs in Amsterdam... so It is obvious that all people conplaning why Uranus is in Paris are the people that are sooo stupid, the ones that still thinking that PARIS is the fucking center of UNIVERSE.... poor loosers, indeed!!!
Incredible how they think they are right, that they have the right to stop the progress of all Europe cuz its stupid culture, because they think they are right!! without any logical justification!!! who crazy this can be!!!

Uranus, your blog it is just incredible... and well, do not give any attention to this buch of riots loossseerrssss BIG TIME!!!! That they do not write smart things, they just use their normal agressive behavior in an stupid attempt to save an stupid french culture.

Cheers

Mr T

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Uranus,

I just returned from France (Paris specifically)and understand your point. So many of the people I dealt with were just horrible - but I have to say that there were quite a few who were extremely kind. Being Cajun and speaking French only helped me realize what the horrible ones were saying about me and my family when they though us "stupid Americans" didn't know what was going on or what was being said. I can only hope that the horrible ones get a chance to visit America;land in Dallas Fort Worth Airport and get harassed by a big woman named Lekisha in customs who has no time for your ridiculous snootiness! P.S.- For all of those French travelers either arriving or taking a plane out of New Orleans: Don't think because you speak French we don't understand you....many of us from south Louisiana know the language very well and may just put a gris gris on your asses ;-)

5:42 PM  
Anonymous Matthew said...

Uranus,

If you are leaving, let me know about your job. I want to be miserable in Paris too.

It is funny how defensive and angry people get about your blog. A little criticism is all right. Paris is romanticized by people like me too much, a little reality is ok.

I would still move there, even though it does, upon occassion smell like piss.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Uranus said...

Thanks for the comments.

Guys, I do not have any problem with Paris or with any indiviual French person. I do have problems with a culture that makes of bigotry, arrogance and selfishness postive values. The results? Keep visiting my blog and you will see some.

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Andy said...

Want to be french ? Get rid of your brains ! Get rid of your balls ! Just train your mouth and your asshole !!

Kill the french ! Free the world !!
Andy

12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny thing, your feeling entitled to say all that comes across your pretty illiterate and very superficial mind. Mind you, if you had taken the trouble to learn French in the first place,
1) you'd be meeting much fewer problems anywhere in France when -at last- communicating instead of just criticizing
2) undestanding a few facts about French culture, which seems to be a basic step when you live in a foreign country, could also help instead of waiting for fellow sufferers to share your French agony.
Ok, France is not the UK nor the US. Funny situations occur anywhere, but only imperialistic self-righteous morons spend their time ranting and raving about it!

All things considered, I tend to think that it's better to sit back and enjoy the ride. Wouldn't have come here in the first place if I had expected it to be "like home". What would the point be?

8:07 PM  

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