Fly me to the moon... but not with a French

Don't ask me why this misfortune, but I happened to meet two of my French colleagues at one airport outside of France.

I didn't want to sit with them, but then one of the French, She, told the guy at the check-in desk: "We three want to sit together, and by the way, give the isle seat to me" (I wanted that seat!!!), the other French swiftly said: "And I want the window".

The plane was delayed 45 minutes, the French She started to curse and argue with the airline guy (like if he cared about her problems!). Then, She had a great idea: Going to the airline's VIP lounge and demand that we were allowed in as a compensation for the delay, but the VIP lounge's receptionist could not believe what she was hearing and informed us that access was only allowed to First Class ticket holders, but then She gave her a speech on the responsibilities of the airline towards its valued customers and blah blah blah (like if in France they were familiar with the concept...).

Finally, I was forced to have a coffee with these two French and even participate (nodding) of a conversation that included the following subjects: Americans are idiots, the government has to guarantee their jobs, there are too many inmigrants in France, French wine is the best, and a lot of gossip about our colleagues.

When we got on the plane, I found that I was in between these two French. As there was no space for our luggage on the overhead compartment, the French She and I went to another seat's and placed our bags in there. But then one guy came saying that those were his seat and his compartment. I could not believe the guy was so rude, taking into account that he didn't seem to be French. Anyways, I spent the rest of the flight standing his bloody look, that he directed to me every 10 minutes. I was wondering why he was so annoyed.

We landed and went to take our bags (the French She didn't want to come, but she warned me that that guy was an idiot). The guy was staring at me, and I addressed his anger by saying: "Look, there was no other place for our bags, OK? So, save your anger". And the guy said: "I understand, but YOUR WOMAN was extremely rude to me!"... And then, all of a sudden I understood: While I was placing the bags on the overhead compartment, the French She probably told him something or said something or did something with the typical French arrogance and selfishness that was for sure disrespectful to the guy.

Here was my double humiliation: 1) That I co-operated with a French idiot, and 2) That some victim thought I was French (or that, at least, the French was MY WOMAN).


Anonymous Trevor said...

Dear me, dear me Uranus.

It is my considered opinion that the She-Frog has the hots for you.

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you a brit?

8:47 PM  
Blogger nouille said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:54 AM  
Blogger nouille said...

I lived in the Luberon and Paris & I am married to a Frenchie. ( yes, it's a masochistic relationship)

I showed him this blog, he thinks it's funny,(except for the flag, of course).

7:55 AM  
Blogger nouille said...

Have you seen this blog, by a French woman named Carine? - she seems pretty cool, and honest, brutally honest.


8:06 AM  
Anonymous Boris Jacquin said...

I am a born and bred Frenchman who lived there for 27 years. I left 6 years ago, only to return to Paris last year to see if I could cope. Man, how had I forgotten what a shitty place France is! It took me three months to pack up bags again and return to Australia! Yep, around the world and back with my wife and my child. That's how unbearable Paris is.

I would however point out that your descritiopn of France is actually a refection of Paris. France, the real France, is a bit nicer.

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha ha

was she pretty? if not, what a misfortune indeed.

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Trevor said...

Having considered things even further, it is now my my opinion that She-Frog was contemplating having furtive sex with you.

10:13 PM  
Blogger Uranus said...

Thanks for the link. It is a nice blog, however I am a proud European and do not agree with the pro-Republican, anti-European, pro Guantanamo Bay views that pepper the website.

(although I guess people married to a French are allowed to embrace such radical ideas)


I want to write a post about people like you (I have a pipeline of subjects to post about), really nice French people that I have found everywhere, and who always have something in common: They have lived in other countries for long enough and they feel like foreigners when return to France.

I think you are right in your assumption, but I would rather go hunting with Dick Cheney (what a first name, huh?).

11:59 PM  
Blogger nouille said...

Uranus, I don't share the blogs anti European republican views.(for the record)

7:45 PM  
Anonymous Boris said...

Uranus! Please write your post about us. There are, I think, at least 2 million expatriated French people (many of them longing to return though).

You are right, I do feel like a foreigner every time I go back. I don't, and have never subscribed to the French mentality. You can't imagine how pleased I am to read your blog. I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me!

Man, what are you doing there? France should be for holidays and long weekend, that's it!

4:47 AM  
Anonymous Dutch Papa said...

Man this post it is sooo fucking FFFUUNNNNNYYY!!!!! Yes, I can see you dealing with all bunch of stupid French-Wannabies hehehehe in all places. Man you are sooo tolerant!!! you are really tolerant cuz you have to deal with them at the office and then on trips... I do not know what is worse if being in the plane trip next to a baby crying or a Parisian-Stupid... I thik I can handle the baby!!! hehehehe cuz man I got to admit that Boris has a point, saying tha Paris is not all France... well, maybe because the rest are turistic place for snow-skiing, or the South... but well, we in general can see only what Paris is... a big mass of stupid Frenchies-wannabies fighting each-other..

Have you tought about the idea that this stupids guys changed their flight just to be next to you??.. I mean.. for sure you are their manager or boss as you wanna call it, so they prettended to play to the nice kiss-ass-of-my-boss. Man my best advice is to FIRE them, just kick their asses out of the company, I have done that, cuz is the only way to make productive a company!!!

Regarding the idea the French SHE wanted to have sex with you in the bathroom of the plan, well, first of all I got to admit that French girls are not the "best" in the bed, got to tell you that...sorry Frenchies-ladies.!!!! but well, Danish girls are the best.. but that is topic for another Blog hehehehe
so remember, NEVER NEVER date a girl at the same company...NEVER!!!! you can brake de rule if they are NONE FRENCH GIRLS hehehehehhehehee

Well, you have showed us a new lesson in this post... I think I will start to call you MY GREAT MASTER!!!! cuz, your blog is such a great one Man... you rock!!!!

by the way, just to make it strong and clear!!! FRENCHIES-WANNABIES are stupid.... I do not know if by nature itself or by learning in the community, but well, nice point Nouville and Boris remark...but well, I prefer to make a quick outline of people... maybe I need to hire people from outside Paris...any advise guys?? no INDIA..please!!! hhehehhehehee


Mr T

Brighton Rules

2:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Uranus,
I feel terribly sorry for you and indeed it was a double humiliation. "Co-operating with a French idiot" "Been taken as a French" WHAT A PUNISHMENT!!!

I understand you "have" to deal with them in France (you got not choice) but outside, you should just avoid the bastards... Yeah, that is the moral of the story AVOID THOSE FRENCHIES... LEARN TO SAY NO...KEEP AWAY FROM THEM!!!!... DONT MINGLE WITH LOWER CLASSES!!!!!

By the way, their disgusting comments about Americans just reinforce the idea of their inferiority...

Su V

12:09 AM  
Blogger Uranus said...

Boris, Dutch Papa and Su V,

You rock guys, I couldn't help but laugh out reading your posts.

Sorry I didn't keep in touch for several days, but I happened to go to some island (outside of France, of course!) to relax and the last thing I wanted to do there was writing or thinking ABOUT THEM!


12:22 AM  
Anonymous Venus said...

Devoting so much time and energy just to HATE something/someone is really appalling, be it French people, women, Jews or anything/anyone for that matter.

I'm afraid moving away from France won't change much for you : you'll find something else to sneer at in order to get along with yourself.

Hopefully you'll find someday some other way to live and look at yourself and the world.

Cheers !

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Andy said...

Ahaha ! Great story ! I'm always amazed how those bloody f**ked frenchies can be so damn dumb and stupid !
But you better take care of the She-frenchies : this country has the highest HIV rate among women of the whole Western world !
Fortunately the She-frenchies are so ugly and stupid I'm sure you'd prefer to f**k a goat instead !
Cheers for the rest of your stay in france ! Hope you escape this hell pretty soon !

Kill the french ! Free the world !!

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Uranus said...

Hi Venus,

Thanks for the advice, but the attitude proposed by you takes Le Pen to power and inviders to success.

Fortunately, while some turn a blind eye (Le Pen, Sarko, NON to Europe, discrimination of minorities, negation of history, bad manners,...) some like me (both foreigners and French people ashamed of what most of their neighbours can do) will stand up against the vicious French culture.

Some day you will be grateful that some people don't shut up.


3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great site loved it alot, will come back and visit again.

1:41 AM  

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