The French Cultural Dimension

I always dreamed of correcting Einstain's relativity formula, amending Darwin or writing a prologue for a new edition of the complete works of William Shakespeare. Thanks to Germany's 2006 World Cup, the time has come.

Reading some blog postings, some news articles and listening to both fine citizens and French populace, I have found a golden opportunity to enhance Hofstede's Cultural Dimensions. Basically, Geert Hofstede analysed cultural attitudes in a number of countries and concluded that there are 4 variables (or Dimensions) that define each culture: Relative interest in politics, masculinity, individulism and uncertainty avoidance. I just found a few more dimensions that would allow us to distinguish between French-wannabe cultures and the rest, these dimensions are:

1. Smell. The more you stink, the more likely you will buy a lot of parfums de Paris and the more you will enjoy France.
2. Nagging. Countries that love nagging are prone to enjoy French behaviour and arrogance with gusto.
2. Sympathy for headbutts. Some people just love watching the big guy giving headbutt to the smaller guy.

Today I returned to France and I was quite impressed to see to what extent violence is seen by French people as acceptable. I guess this explains a lot of things: Napoleonic invasions, invention of the Guillotine (yes, the greatest French invention to date), the occupation of African nations, the Vietnam war...

They like violence especially when the big guy goes after the small boy. French are like hooligangs cheering Goliath everytime he kicks David. However, they are always on the loser's side. But they lose and then they enjoy accusing David of unfair tactics.

* * *

With a much smaller budget, one year ago, on July 6th, London won over Paris the organisation of the 2012 Olympic Games. Congratulations!

But the French always find the way to celebrate defeat. Today I saw the Air Force planes rehearsing for the July 14th military parade, that kind of pro-Fascist remain of a past that didn't exist where the President salutes an Army that has never won any war in spite of its sheer budget. Yes, it was sent many times to attack small countries and loot their wealth, but when the attacked awoke the French Army ran away. Coming back to the football subject, this is why attacking is worthless if you don't have a strong defense (translation: Italy's strategy of building up a strong defense proved supperior to France's strategy of just kicking the ball and wait, and this is why Italy won a well deserved World Cup final match).

Wait for July 14th and the patriotic fanfare. They don't have anything to celebrate this year, but it doesn't matter, taxes for 2006 have already been collected. I already paid for the show.


Anonymous Dutch Papa said...


One more time!! one interesting, cultural and nice post you have placed for us Uranus... thanks GOD there is people like you out there trying DELETE this French-Wannabie-Culture of SHIT!!!

Dear readers, I would like to emphasize in this regard: SMELL. Folks, I think you have had this misfortune of having next to you a SMELLY-Frenchi-Wannabie.... SOOOOO disgusting!!! These people simply do not want to take a shower once in a while (once in a moth at least!! GOD!!)....
- Frenchies have to being nagging cuz THEY SMELL AS SHIT!!!! they have to complain in a way cuz they just can not handle their own fucking smell!!!!
- Frenchies likes headbutts cuz they have been lead to do that cuz they are trying to hide their nose in someone else bodies, as a result they can not live more with their own ugly smell.. so in a natural reaction they try to get fresh air smelling in other bodies.

Frenchies are violent?? I do not know, they are a really bad copy of the bad boy on school... they try to be violent, but they just cannot, as they are so stupid they just can't reach that.... in all wars they have been kicked out on their ass !!! WWI & WWII as examples.

ANDY!!! you are the man!!! you are simply the MAN!!!

Brighton Rules!!!!

Mr T

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Uranus said...

Hey Dutch Papa!

Great contribution to the most important intellectual debate France has witnessed since the times of Emile Zola.

You may be right! French people are prone to give headbutts 'trying to hide their nose in someone else bodies, since they can not live more with their own ugly smell'.

Cheers from Chamonix!


11:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get over it, dudeā€¦

5:52 AM  
Blogger may of eden said...

Excuse my english if it's not correct but I'm French!! I'm actually in an engineering traineeship in Australia. And I'm doing a blog about my "french" feelings about the australian culture. But I never dare to have such hard sentences about the australian culture.... I dont understand why you hate so much French culture.Is it a way to have fun to say rubbish about a country and people who live in this country?? Think about to consult a psy... seriously... You talk about the violence but who are in Irak?? The France is not implicate in a conflict since many many years... And I think France won the WW1 whitout nobody... when people don't know the History, people don't speak.....And I smell definitely good....

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Dutch Papa said...

May of Eden,

I can read you are a smart guy, as you has the chance to travel abroad and see different cultures and meet new people. For this reason you will find that all people is nice, but be careful and breath really deep to get prepared to get back to France, specially Paris, cuz you will get socked by your own culture!!! Now, that you have tasted the real world, the tolerance, now that you have opened your mind to see that there are more life besided France, well, you will see the difference.

France won WW1??? hehehehe Well, I am sure I will not make you opinion change of this aven giving you thousands of proves, but well.

I am sure you smeel well, but well, I am also sure that you are the spot in the middle of millions of Frenchies, who smell as HELL!!!

Take care.


Mr T

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say, may be nothing is the best.
You talk about cultural exchange and you shit on a country where you are a foreigner.
There is something wrong with you.

A french guy.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep voting for Le Pen, maybe as soon as next year your dreams will come true.


1:34 PM  

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